written by Erica Quam
Believe it or not, you are in charge of your feelings and emotions. These emotions move you closer to or further away from the outcomes you want and the goals you set in life.
There are two sides to each emotion. Think of it like a coin - for example, on one side there is joy and appreciation and on the other side boredom.
List A moves you further away from what you want. List B list takes you closer to what you want. What do you need to spend more time in the second list?
Take ownership of your emotions:
- He just makes me feel worthless.
- She makes me so angry!
- That coach always makes me feel discouraged!
No one makes you feel anything. You just feel. You experience your own emotions.
Change your words, change the outcome:
- I feel worthless when he criticizes me.
- I get angry when she doesn't do what I expect her to do.
- I feel discouraged around that coach, because I believe I haven't lived up to his expectations.
Instead of being a victim to your circumstances, acknowledge what you are feeling. Then pivot. Changing your words puts you back in the driver's seat. It's powerful!
Okay, so now what?
Here are few inner dialogues to take it a step further:
- When he criticizes me, do I really believe what he is saying? I have the choice to feel worthless. Am I worthless? I know I'm not worthless. I feel empowered.
- When she doesn't do what I expect her to do, it makes me angry. Why am I angry? What about her not doing what I'm asking makes me angry? It probably relates to a past experience that I've had where I lack control. Will I help the situation by getting angry? Nope. Okay. Let's try a different approach.
- Why am I disappointed when I don't live up to that coach's expectations? Am I doing my best? Yep. I'm doing all that I can do. I believe I'm doing my best.
It's not about hiding your feelings and emotions and trying NOT to feel them.
It's about the acknowledgement - then finding a way to move forward.
What actual steps can you take?
- Choose your friends carefully and spend more of your time with positive people
- Stay away (as much as you can) from people who complain, blame, whine, & criticize all the time...it's contagious!
- Stop watching so much news or tuning into fear-based media
- Do LOTS of things that keep you in the now: yoga, meditation, focus on the breath
- Go for a walk outside and look at all the amazing things around you
- Make a list of things you are grateful for
For a simple exercise to teach this to your team...click here.
What helps you navigate from A to B? Share your comment below.
* List of 22 emotions taken from the book, Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks