Three Stories That Hold Coaches Back

written by Erica Quam

We all have stories we tell ourselves. Some stories originated to protect us and helped us grow into the people we are today. Some stories originated to protect us and helped us grow into the people we are today.  There comes a time when these same stories no longer serve us. They hold us back and keep us stuck!

Here are 3 stories I see coaches struggle with all the time.

1st Story -- I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF

How it shows up...

You hand a project off to someone on your staff. It doesn’t get done right.

Instead of taking the time to get really clear on your specific expectations of what it looks like when it’s done and done well...you go ahead and just do it yourself.

As a coach, you are capable of a lot. You are good at juggling a lot of things - all at once. Does the fact that you CAN do it mean you SHOULD do it? Of course not!

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Three Stories That Hold Coaches Back

We all have stories we tell ourselves. Some stories originated to protect us and helped us grow into the people we are today. There comes a time when these same stories no longer serve us. They hold us back.

Here are 3 stories I see coaches struggle with all the time.

1. I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF

How it shows up...

You hand a project off to someone on your staff. It doesn’t get done right. Instead of taking the time to get really clear on your specific expectations of what it looks like when it’s done and done well...you go ahead and just do it yourself.

As a coach, you are capable of a lot. You are good at juggling a lot of things - all at once. Does the fact that you CAN do it mean you SHOULD do it? Of course not!

Where it originated...

Perhaps it originated from a time when you became more independent in your life. You learned that you COULD do some things by yourself - instead of having your parents help or do it for you. There comes a time when this story no longer serves you.

What to try instead...

First of all, take the time to get clear when you delegate something. Make sure you tell that person what you're expectations are and be prepared to give them constructive feedback if it doesn't meet your standards. 

Next, get creative about the things you hand off. Here's a great example of this...

One of the coaches I work with has a lot on her plate. She’s a new mom, a wife, a coach, and a teacher.

She started thinking of where she felt stress, resentment, and anxiety. The first area was cooking. The second was cleaning. She's figured out two new things to delegate: 

  1. She now subscribes to a weekly food service. A box arrives each week with new recipes and fresh ingredients. She looks forward to seeing what shows up...and her family has loved the meals!
  2. Next, she hired a cleaning service to come twice a month. Her husband does a better job of picking up before the cleaning service comes and they both enjoy a fresh, clean home on a regular basis.

Boom. She describes these changes as, "timesavers and lifesavers." 

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How female coaches become isolated

I was on a coaching call recently with a head coach who was in her third season at a new school. Things were "going well" for her and her team.

"I'm starting to hit my stride," she said proudly. She seemed to have buy in, athletes were working hard, the team was performing, captains didn't report any complaints, and things were rolling along. 

Her biggest challenge at the moment was feeling disconnected from coaches within her athletic department...and especially isolated from other female coaches. Honestly, she was hurt by this. She had made a few attempts...and been shut down. She didn't know what else to try.

She was single, they had kids. She was new, they had all been there "forever". When she went by their offices to initiate some small talk...they were either too busy or made up excuses to go do something else.

Can you relate?

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3 stories that hold coaches back

We all have stories we tell ourselves. Some stories started out to protect us and helped us grow into the people we are today. There comes a time when these same stories no longer serve us and end up holding us back.

Here are the 5 stories I see coaches struggle with all the time.

1. I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF

How it shows up...

You hand a project off to someone on your staff. It doesn’t get done right. Instead of taking the time to get really clear on your specific expectations of what it looks like when it’s done and done well...you go ahead and just do it yourself.

As a coach, you are capable of a lot. You are good at juggling a lot of things - all at once. Does the fact that you CAN do it mean you SHOULD do it? Of course not!

Read More